I have found my niche, here, at the desk where I sit; staying connected.
Pixels appear in harmony, arranged as letters in words, forming sentences in scripture, poetry, and essays. Sometimes, appearing as colorful details in art or photography. While outside, according to the news, if I dare to read, it seems there is still no reason or rhyme in the world.
I’ll take my solitude in front of the screen, 12hrsperday, excepting Shabbos, when I seek my connection to G-d. And, the world may continue on its own, for I know that G-d is sovereign; and, despite the appearance of chaos, all is running according to His plan.
There is still a certain feeling, bittersweet in character, that pervades my existence. Unlike most, I have no recourse to seek a “new normal,” beyond my own cozy solitude. I concede, that everything seems to have fallen into place for me, as I sit, study, and pray, while awaiting the new day.
“When night comes, and retrospect shows that everything was patchwork and much that one had planned left undone, when so many things rouse shame and regret, then take all as is, lay it in G-d’s hands, and offer it up to Him. In this way we will be able to rest in Him, actually to rest and to begin the new day like a new life.” – Edith Stein
my mind is like a blank canvas;
until, upon scratching the surface,
I can begin to see layers of sadness
underneath the pristine dermis.
The exploration of each coating
would require careful attention,
as every detail may bring,
meaning to the painting’s revelation.
Like the previous chapters of my life,
the unrealized dreams, yearnings of the past,
unfulfilled hopes – these all resurface
from time to time in my thoughts.
Yet, I am on a new path,
ever since I left my past at the border;
a new trajectory, meant to last,
as if born anew, ever looking forward.
Having sloughed off the doldrums,
brushed off the dust of yesteryear,
and shed outdated programs,
to embrace all that is real.
Still, I am only a human being,
full of memories, dreams and the potential
to transcend, while remaining grounded,
ruminate, while not getting lost in the consequential,