Weighed down by my cares, troubled by the ways of the world; the only recourse is to shape myself from within this swirl of emotions both dark and light, by resting my gaze upon the Creator.
To be a light unto others, as much as humanly possible even while my own flame is flickering in the wind, with hardly enough glow to light the path home.
To be lifted up upon eagles wings, to have my soul refueled from Above, to cross the narrow bridge of life, in fear and trepidation of every step along the way to freedom.
Is this the way that I imagined? Is this the life that I expected? Once becoming a new person, upon committing my life to G-d? Yet, I do not speak of joy in this life; for, surely, I can waitfor Olam Haba.
The telephone is my only connection to the outside world, that is to anyone not living on Gabriola Island. Otherwise, my friends, family, and associates are three thousand miles away; mostly none of them no where I am, for I have wandered far north to Canada. I only recall one phone call, wherein I was compelled to liquidate an investment that was originally made upon recommendation of a friend. Honestly, I think that the small group of investors no longer wanted to be in partnership with me, after I had abruptly left Philadelphia. I kindly accepted the offer to receive back the exact amount that I had invested.
Every morning, I wake up around 4:00 a.m., when I begin to feel the cold of the room. This is my reminder to put more wood on the fire. My day begins with facing the challenges of a Canadian winter; yet, I am mostly snug in my modest place of residence. The restroom is always cold; so, I usually splash a little bit of water on my face, without immediately taking a shower. Later, I get a ride to Haven from L., who works there in the kitchen; she and her husband are renting this place to me.
Because I am taking workshops at Haven, this is an ideal situation for now; in retrospect, I should have felt blessed by these accommodations; however, I did not actually realize, nor fully appreciating the conveniences. Surely, I lacked gratitude at the time to both my landlords, as well as G-d, who arranges everything from His lofty place in Seventh Heaven. Yet, my New Age worldview at the time, seemed to offer, by way of osmosis from various teachings, a sort of go with the flow of the Universe attitude; yet, without proper respect towards the Creator of the Universe.