Still Waiting

"They that sow in tears shall reap in joy."

– Psalm 126:5

Weighed down by my cares,
troubled by the ways of the world;
the only recourse is to shape
myself from within this swirl
of emotions both dark and light,
by resting my gaze upon the Creator.

To be a light unto others,
as much as humanly possible
even while my own flame
is flickering in the wind,
with hardly enough glow
to light the path home.

To be lifted up upon eagles wings,
to have my soul refueled from Above,
to cross the narrow bridge of life,
in fear and trepidation of every step
along the way to freedom.

Is this the way that I imagined?
Is this the life that I expected?
Once becoming a new person,
upon committing my life to G-d?
Yet, I do not speak of joy in this life;
for, surely, I can wait for Olam Haba.

Midnight Prayer

“Where wast thou when I laid the foundations of the earth? declare, if thou hast understanding.” – Job 38:4

Safe and sound, guarded by angels,
before I sleep tonight, I pray for all,
whose sleep might be restless, as
the fire grows closer to this town.

Any sign other than a divine one,
would not be as reassuring to me;
the sacred name of the angel,
Rafael is given to this current fire.

Of natural origins (lightning strikes
according to the will of the Creator);
His designs transcend the understanding
of the limited human mind.

So, I find myself wondering,
what the purpose may be
for misfortune when it occurs,
in so many forms.

And, the only answer given,
is the whisper of the wind,
echoing the words of G-d,
who inspired Job with awe.

Heavenly Messenger

Prayers are only answered from a distance;

there is a great expanse that separates

between the supernal heights of Shomayim,

and the lowliness of our earthbound plight.

By the time the angelic messenger

passes through the strata of rakia,

the communication has become veiled,

in language that is beyond our understanding.

The malach who was dispatched from Above,

ascends again with empty hands and a heavy heart;

his only contentment is found in the accomplishment

of the task entrusted to him alone to enact.

Regardless of the recipient’s lack of awareness,

G-d’s word will not have been sent in vain;

rather, its purpose will have been accomplished,

without the cognizance of the beneficiary.

Gabriola Island

Cold awakening,

each morning at 4 a.m. –

kindle the fire.

The telephone is my only connection to the outside world, that is to anyone not living on Gabriola Island. Otherwise, my friends, family, and associates are three thousand miles away; mostly none of them no where I am, for I have wandered far north to Canada. I only recall one phone call, wherein I was compelled to liquidate an investment that was originally made upon recommendation of a friend. Honestly, I think that the small group of investors no longer wanted to be in partnership with me, after I had abruptly left Philadelphia. I kindly accepted the offer to receive back the exact amount that I had invested.

Every morning, I wake up around 4:00 a.m., when I begin to feel the cold of the room. This is my reminder to put more wood on the fire. My day begins with facing the challenges of a Canadian winter; yet, I am mostly snug in my modest place of residence. The restroom is always cold; so, I usually splash a little bit of water on my face, without immediately taking a shower. Later, I get a ride to Haven from L., who works there in the kitchen; she and her husband are renting this place to me.

Because I am taking workshops at Haven, this is an ideal situation for now; in retrospect, I should have felt blessed by these accommodations; however, I did not actually realize, nor fully appreciating the conveniences. Surely, I lacked gratitude at the time to both my landlords, as well as G-d, who arranges everything from His lofty place in Seventh Heaven. Yet, my New Age worldview at the time, seemed to offer, by way of osmosis from various teachings, a sort of go with the flow of the Universe attitude; yet, without proper respect towards the Creator of the Universe.