Weighed down by my cares, troubled by the ways of the world; the only recourse is to shape myself from within this swirl of emotions both dark and light, by resting my gaze upon the Creator.
To be a light unto others, as much as humanly possible even while my own flame is flickering in the wind, with hardly enough glow to light the path home.
To be lifted up upon eagles wings, to have my soul refueled from Above, to cross the narrow bridge of life, in fear and trepidation of every step along the way to freedom.
Is this the way that I imagined? Is this the life that I expected? Once becoming a new person, upon committing my life to G-d? Yet, I do not speak of joy in this life; for, surely, I can waitfor Olam Haba.
“When night comes, and retrospect shows that everything was patchwork and much that one had planned left undone, when so many things rouse shame and regret, then take all as is, lay it in G-d’s hands, and offer it up to Him. In this way we will be able to rest in Him, actually to rest and to begin the new day like a new life.” – Edith Stein
my mind is like a blank canvas;
until, upon scratching the surface,
I can begin to see layers of sadness
underneath the pristine dermis.
The exploration of each coating
would require careful attention,
as every detail may bring,
meaning to the painting’s revelation.
Like the previous chapters of my life,
the unrealized dreams, yearnings of the past,
unfulfilled hopes – these all resurface
from time to time in my thoughts.
Yet, I am on a new path,
ever since I left my past at the border;
a new trajectory, meant to last,
as if born anew, ever looking forward.
Having sloughed off the doldrums,
brushed off the dust of yesteryear,
and shed outdated programs,
to embrace all that is real.
Still, I am only a human being,
full of memories, dreams and the potential
to transcend, while remaining grounded,
ruminate, while not getting lost in the consequential,
Blue is the color of techeles: sky blue, looking down from Shomayim. The ocean, likened unto Torah flows within our veins, whether recognized or not, sometimes, only latent.
Until some rich experience, a wake up call orchestrated from He Who sits upon His throne in His place (makom) gestures, in a way that the designated angel understands, and makes its way to place the holy intuition within the mind of one who will be born anew, as if he always knew his origin, roots, and mission.
“I prefer keeping in mind even the possibility that existence has its own reason for being.” – Wislawa Szymborska
The darkened hearts of some of our neighbors, who have renounced their humanity will be judged by the Almighty, while I and my brother, hiding in between these walls, will continue to cling to the Ribono Shel Olam, Who has provided this place of refuge for us. We are fortunate enough to be blessed with kind Christian neighbors, who will not permit the darkness to cloud their own sense of judgment, morality and faith. Although this bleak reality (only an appearance of a life in limbo) may cast an occasional shadow of doubt upon our own faith, I prefer keeping in mind even the possibility that existence has its own reason for being. And, who knows whether these very walls may have been built for this purpose, to shelter us from the tyranny of the soul that seems to have pervaded the world’s conscience.